The sun is bright on this beautiful end of summer day, but I feel this photo accurately depicts the coldness that strives to live deep within some peoples’ hearts and souls. I’ve stopped any attempt to figure out why some people choose to cling to a toxic life preserver that surely will drown them and remind myself daily to look away from the “car wrecks” of their lives. When life is this hard, precarious, and challenging, I must look away from the negativity and toxicity and look within myself to find the answers, solutions, and peace of mind we all deserve. It’s truly the only way… to take care of ourselves when others around us are flailing with self-hatred, thoughts of abomination, and a rage that resonates with others who also live in a state of constant turmoil. The brilliant red cardinal–a symbol of a soul’s life after death–on a cold winter day affirms our connection to the souls who are sent to comfort and guide us.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted. I’ve had major periodontal work which is traumatic for me and also painful and which I have to get through without pain meds because my body doesn’t tolerate them at all. I vomit violently and, thus, resort to over-the-counter pain medication and homeopathic remedies which greatly help. I also realize I became caught up in the long days and endless nights of our national panic and anxiety. Then came August’s impactful Sturgeon blue moon and the inclusive joy that circulated throughout this week’s DNC.

I decided to ride these harrowing waves by sitting in them and letting them wash over me, accepting the varied emotions they triggered and birthed, and not over-psychoanalyzing as I’d done before. My natural inclinations of hope and positivity thrived–a very wonderful gift to myself. By going within to focus on myself and how I respond and thrive amidst this national conflict, I was calmed and introspective versus obsessing about the external world. This practice is fundamental to physical and emotional healing. The inclination to focus on the doom and gloom more than sending out words of hope and goodwill surely does not further growth and healing. Quite the opposite, we sit in the muck and struggle to hope. Well, I’m not doing that anymore. I choose hope. I choose humor. I choose joy. I choose resilience. I choose acceptance that I will be okay at the end of a long hard day. Some people think I’m blind to truth. I certainly am not. Some people think I’m a blind optimist. I certainly am not. Some people think I am arrogant. I certainly am not. What I know now without doubt is that “some people” are not my people.

Years ago, in one of my 9th grade classes, a student walked in late with a pass from her guidance counselor and said to me, “Ms. A, life isn’t fair!” I said, “Dear Alex, indeed it isn’t always and anyone who told you differently was incorrect.” Life sucks sometimes and so we keep going. Life can be dark and frightening and so we carry a flashlight. Life may be lonely and we look for the helpers. Life feels sad sometimes and we tell jokes for levity. During the most difficult circumstances, I’ve learned to laugh at myself and my situation because without that comic relief, surely, I’d have gone mad. Obviously, humor doesn’t erase the volatile or devastating or unpleasant circumstances, but it does help to ease the pain and can help to focus on what’s good in our lives–the gratitude, the beauty in the world, and the truth, while painful, does set us free. The painful truth of this current hotbed of political and philosophical unrest is that it’s up to us alone to choose how we want to live. Do we choose futility or optimism? Do we choose perpetual anger or a lasting peace? Do we toss aside defeatist thinking or wallow in doom and gloom?

I’ve chosen optimism and while we want to believe this choice is fruitful with growth and prosperity, I’ve discovered how many people aren’t ready to board my happy cruise ship. They instead lash out–quiet or loudly or psychically–and either choose to sever or put a crimp in our connection. And I’ve had to learn how to accept this fate and be okay with it… because following their lead only creates more unhappiness, more unease, and more isolation. Our friends, family connections, and other avenues of joy will change over time. I learned a long time ago not to fear change and, yes, its part of my astrological DNA. But it always isn’t easy. I suppose when you’ve been an outlier for as long as I have, it’s not unexpected to be abandoned by people who proclaim to see and love you. I accept that I cannot fix or change them. And the real truth for me is that people do indeed come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some people come and go. I’m quite alright with these truths. Because they are truths, and pretending they don’t exist only undermines our spiritual, emotional, and physical growth.

I’ve witnessed too many physically ill people who exist in a vat of hatred and rage toward others. They refuse to relinquish the negativity which slowly is killing them and any joys they believe they seek. We all know people like this and perhaps we’ve been this person at one time. I know I have depended on my misery to garner sympathy, empathy, or connection. Obviously, this approach didn’t work to my greater good or needs. Self-love and self-acceptance have been hard won for me and have flourished greatly in my life during these last ten years of great change. I am thankful to myself, my spiritual guides, and especially the empaths and healers who have shared their insights with me. Of course, we rely on helpers, but the self-reliance, healing, and growth exists because we choose a joyful life over cynicism. As time goes on, there is no longer a struggle. I am able to pull away from the people who only stymie my good mood and hopeful outlook. I have to and therein lie the sacrifices.

Sibling and family relationships may be sacrificed. Long friendships may be sacrificed. But my dignity is not sacrificed. If I have to back away or walk away completely from people–no matter who they are–I will do it to save my life, my sanity, and my soul. Because my soul is the journey between this life and the next. This cardinal reminds me that our souls are the source of both joyful and painful lessons. My soul guides me toward a life of more peace, more contentment, and more meaningful connections. Obviously, life isn’t without sacrifices. And choosing not to sacrifice our goodness, our peace, and our joys is the greatest sacrifice we make for ourselves and for our souls because some others are left behind.

I wish you peace during these traumatically fraught times. I thank you for stopping by. Take good care of yourselves and your beautiful and deserving souls. Namaste